A Different Approach to Challenging Behavior at School

At Fáilte we’re not trying to teach kids to behave perfectly. We’re trying to teach kids to know themselves deeply. Kids who can navigate big feelings, repair relationships, and stand up for themselves and others.

Because, we’re not interested in shaping children who look “well-behaved” on the outside but are struggling internally just to get through the day.

We’re here to build something else:

Confidence.

Connection.

Curiosity.

Resilience.

That philosophy was on my mind recently as I prepared for parent conferences. Before each meeting, I write a narrative about each student—a reflection on how they’ve grown, what we are working on and what we’ve seen unfold during their time at Fáilte.

As I sat down to write about our newest student, I found myself thinking about how hard it could be at first when transitioning from a traditional school into a space like ours. Especially when “traditional” has meant rigid expectations, punitive consequences, and very little room to be anything other than compliant.

In those environments, expectations are supposed to be clear. You do X, you get Y.

Push someone? You lose recess.

Disrupt a lesson? You’re removed from class.

That kind of predictability can feel safe for some kids—but for many, it creates a deep sense of fear and shame. Especially for those who are neurodivergent, sensitive, spirited, or simply think a little differently. They start to believe that who they are is wrong.

Then they arrive here. And inevitably, something happens. A classmate says their idea is stupid. They get angry. They smash the classmate’s building. And then—they freeze.

They wait.

They wait to be yelled at.

They wait for recess to be taken away.

They wait for someone to send them out of the room.

Some shut down entirely. Some lash out. Some literally hide.

But instead… at Fáilte...something different happens.

I call both students over. We sit down together.

If emotions are still running high, I might sit quietly with just one of them, calmly, curiously asking questions when they’re ready to talk.

I don’t scold. I don’t shame. I give them a chance to say their side and be heard. I try to understand. And slowly, trust begins to grow.

This process is slow but with it I’ve watched kids who used to double down—saying “I wanted to hurt him” out of pure panic—find the courage to admit they didn’t mean to. I’ve seen children who were terrified of adults begin to feel safe. I’ve seen the quietest voices learn to speak up. I’ve watched kids who’ve been bullied for years finally say, “That’s not okay,” and know they’ll be supported.

This approach to behavior isn’t flashy. It isn’t fast. It definitely isn’t easy. But it works. Not just in the moment, but long term. It gives children the tools they’ll carry with them for the rest of their lives—tools for emotional regulation, communication, conflict resolution, and self-worth. At Fáilte, we’re not focused on controlling children. We’re focused on knowing them. Supporting them. Helping them return to themselves and feel proud of who they are becoming. That’s the heart of our work.